Social Anxiety and the Reality of Louisville JASNA

“Elizabeth could bear it no longer. She got up and ran out of the room…”

“…Elizabeth was forced to put it out of her power by running away.”

Years ago, I was a leader in my profession. I spoke at national conferences, local reporters sought me out for a quick comment every month or two, and important policy-making groups invited me to join as an active and knowledgeable board member. I sat at the best tables at local fundraisers, was selected to represent my profession in a nomination for a local YM-YWCA award, and lost out to Bill Nye, the Science guy for a prestigious national award in STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics) awareness! During that time, I still personally facilitated STEM  awareness activities with grade 5 classes a couple of times a year, just for fun.

I was terrified in casual social situations with larger groups of people, therefore, at the multitude of social events that required my face, I fortified myself with wine ahead of time and during the event. You see, added to the mix of mental health acronyms I have been labelled with is Social Anxiety Disorder.

When serious mental illness took over my life (treatment-resistant depression and PTSD, among others), I was no longer able to participate in most mainstream activities, and my involvement in my profession and related volunteer activities ramped down quickly. Alcohol and caffeine hinder the efficacy of more appropriate medications, so I chose to eliminate them in favour of getting well. Even though I’ve been treated with CBT (Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy) with exposures for the social anxiety, I still find myself frozen in new social situations.

Fast-forward to my enjoyment of all things Austen, and my intent to attend the JASNA AGM in Louisville this fall to absorb the intellectual side of my fascination. The trouble is, I know only three people who also plan to attend, and I’ve have only met one of them in real life. Of course I’m more than a bit nervous! It only got worse after an experience of last weekend.

I went to my local JASNA meeting on Saturday in hopes of meeting more than the three people I interact with on Facebook. I had forgotten the meeting, and saw the reminder on FB ninety minutes before, just as I was about to eat lunch. I barely had enough time to change my clothes and drive over.

They ask for $5 and some treats from those attending, but obviously, I had no time to bake something. Last time, I had missed the fine print about the treats, yet I ate enough for three Suzans while I sat by myself, watched everyone else chat, and longed to join them. I very nearly decided not to go this time because I would once again be empty-handed.

I thought of an alternate offering, and poor DH watched me tear apart my house and almost destroy a cherished painting in the box that also holds extra copies of “the book” (my novel, Alias Thomas Bennet). I wrote a cute note inside and signed it, intending to throw it in with the door prizes as my offering in lieu of treats.

On the way, I contemplated stopping at Walmart and snagging some Little Debbie’s, but I was late already, and uncertain of the route. JASNA events are usually held in a church hall near the intersection of Cedar Hill Road and Cedar Hill Cross Road. Yup. No chance of confusion there. There are few other roads that intersect for a shortcut, as there’s a small mountain in the way. I stressed over getting lost, as well as about being caught putting my earrings on at red lights, as the local police have ramped up their distracted driving campaign. Of course, the backs never want to meet the posts when you’re in a rush.

The presentations had started when I entered, so I missed the chance to talk to the lady who organizes the door prizes (one of the three I “sort of” know). She was in the middle of the room, which was full of chairs wall-to-wall, and I wound up on a sofa off to one side, by myself. I enjoyed the talks on members’ varying experiences at JASNA Montreal, and one lady promoted her own newly-published novel, so I felt better about bringing mine.

Yet, when the time came to draw for door prizes, I froze. I couldn’t offer to add “the book” in front of everyone!–How would that make me look? I couldn’t even drum up the courage to collect my draw ticket when they offered them to latecomers!

Watching the draws relaxed me a bit. It was fun to see the Jane Austen toothpaste and other items distributed. Then, it was announced that the treats would come out, and we could socialize. The major fear and anxiety that had gripped me returned, but it ramped up even more. I couldn’t handle this!

I sought out The Door Prize Lady. As soon as she finished speaking to another lady, I shoved the brown-paper envelope with “the book” into her hands and said “someone” donated it for a door prize for next time. I didn’t even wait for her to peek inside, just turned to leave. She asked if I could stay, and I said I had a lot of commitments (which is totally true–I’m so over-committed, it’s eating up my soul).

The other lady I knew was busy in the kitchen making dainty trays. (I suspect she’s appointed herself The Boss of Food because she’s shy, too.) As I passed by the kitchen on my way out, she stopped me to ask about The Thrift Shop Regency Costume Experiment blog, and I babbled on uselessly for a minute, then bolted again.

I don’t know how I’m going to handle Louisville. When I first announced I was going, a number of Chat Chits said they’d join me, but reality set in for them. I’ll keep you up-to-date on whether I can be comfortable with that, or take a cue from Elizabeth, and run away, like I did last weekend.

I apologize to those who expected a post on shoes. The project will continue, whether or not I can find a place I’m actually comfortable wearing the costume. I’m having a great deal of fun creating it, though juggling my time has been taxing. The good news is, I found “The Dress!”

day dress

December 22, 2014: New story excerpt at A Happy Assembly: “Letter from Ramsgate!”

Interrobang! A livid Darcy scowls, then storms out of the Parsonage at Hunsford, just after he and Elizabeth have declared their mutual love?! Attractive widow Isabel Younge plans to mould Georgiana Darcy into an interesting young lady like herself, so she can tag along to all the balls and catch a rich man herself?!

It’s all in Chapter One of “Letter From Ramsgate,” now posted in the Coming Attractions forum at A Happy Assembly. The 22-chapter story is completely written, with the final chapters in editing with fantastic beta readers.

The site contains mature material, and though “Letter from Ramsgate” is teen-rated, registration is required. But not to worry; personal information is personal. I’m “redhead!” Drop a comment!

Letter from Ramsgate signature photo

#LfR #Parasolinaballroom #MondayBlogs

July 13, 2014: My Obsession with the Cost of a Hack

I go a little crazy when I’m researching for a story. A little detail that might be three words can have a week of research behind it. Case in point: the cost of a hack from the mail coach terminus in London to Mayfair.

In my current story, I wrote a scene where Elizabeth traveled to London, and then to a friend’s house in Mayfair. During my research, I found out about the cost of mail coach trip, tips, meals, and extra weight charges for baggage. Oh! That last bit caught my writer’s interest!

The last time I traveled by air, I weighed my bag at home and removed a bunch of stuff to meet the maximum baggage weight. Of course, when I got to my destination, it was all the wrong stuff! But I managed to get away without any extra fee.

But not so lucky for my heroine: I decided to include an overweight charge for Elizabeth!

Not only that, but before she left Longbourn, she knew exactly how much her trip would cost, and had brought nothing extra. Knowing she’d be short for the hackney coach trip through London, she asked the hack driver to drop her part-way to her friend’s house. Of course, a certain someone just happens to be riding by in his carriage as she’s struggling to walk with her heavy bag, and rescues her!

It was fun trying to figure out the route of the mail coach and the location for Elizabeth to catch the hack. (Not “cab”—that name came about from “cabriolet,” in 1823.) I had to figure out Hertfordshire and Middlesex geography and find maps of old London. Of course, there was a huge gap in detail at the point of my interest! The most useful map (in terms of ease of reading and finding major locations) was Dickens’ London, from David Perdue’s Charles Dickens Page.

Other interesting pages emerged, including a book of anecdotes called The Interesting Adventures of a Hackney Coach, from 1813. It has the strangest punctuation I’ve ever seen.

But I was obsessed with making sure the extra “tanner” for the overweight bag would make a difference in the end. How much was the fare from Smithfield to Portman Square in 1813?

Hack fares

Great finds were on Wallis’s Plan of the Cities of London and Westminster (above), and tables in actual travel guides from 1786 and 1827—but I had to try to figure out the end points and probable routes, since fares tended to be listed from coaching inns and pubs, and not street addresses. Finally, I made an educated guess at 3 pence.

I have hundreds of bookmarked pages for story research, and this time, I added another dozen. Here are my favourite web sites for Regency research:

Jane Austen’s World
There are several useful tabs, but I like “Social Customs during the Regency Era.” There many interesting categories here. Sadly, there are some dead links.

Common Regency Errors by Alison Lane
This is a great resource to help to understand how to apply titles of the nobility, as well as a few other topics such as adoption and consanguinity.

The Online Etymology Dictionary
You can look up any word and find out when it was first recorded, under various definitions. It’s sometimes surprising which words are super-old and which are recent, or how a word changed its meaning after the Regency period, so the way we use it today didn’t apply back then.

Chapman’s Chronology of Pride and Prejudice
R. W. Chapman was a scholar who dedicated his life to Austen’s works. In 1923 he produced an edition of her books that was much more readable by today’s readers, and a companion book as well. In the process he created time lines for the novels. In writing a variation, it’s nice to know how your changes fit into the original.

Author confession: I was diverted from my purpose… which means a new redhead story on AHA!

With my current Austen-Inspired Regency Romance less than a chapter from being completed, why do I find myself scribbling down a short story that keeps sneaking additional ideas into itself, not to mention an original character? Authors will tell you this happens a lot. It seems like you’re in control, but you’re really not. The characters win, every time.

It’s good news for the readers, though! I’ve posted my short story, Storm About His Love, on AHA. Check it out!

boots converse

January 4, 2014: Eight Blogs in Nine Days, January 7-15!

As much as Jakki Leatherberry of Leatherbound Reviews would look great in the passenger seat, this is a trip that’s a bit too intense for the little car. Time to pull out the passport and the big suitcase (parka for the north, sunscreen for the south) because we’re heading to all kinds of interesting places. It’s the Leatherbound Reviews Alias Thomas Bennet Blog Tour, January 7-15, 2014!

ATB Blog Tour Banner

Did you wonder about that boat on the cover of Alias Thomas Bennet? Follow me across the sea to Italy (that could be a children’s song!) where I’ll blog about Thomas and Fanny Bennet’s boat trip on My Jane Austen Book Club on January 7 (which also happens to be Christmas Day in my family!).

From there, we’ll fly back to sneak some peeks at my book with an excerpt at eclectic blog Everything Books and Authors on January 8: more about that boat you see on the cover! We’re on the move from here, because on January 11 My Love for Jane Austen will feature a short clip with insight into some threats to the comfortable life Thomas Bennet has built for himself and his family, and on January 15 Elizabeth will find herself in a very precarious situation on Addicted to Jane Austen. But I’m known as the secret-keeper, so these are still going to be “teaser” posts, and you’re still going to have to read the book to find out everything!

I’m down for some cool quizzing with an author interview on Songs and Stories on January 10 following a review on January 9, then my friend and fellow AHA Chat Chit Rose Fairbanks will also interview me on her blog, The Darcy Obsession, on January 12.

Finally, join me in perusing reviews of my book, Alias Thomas Bennet, written by mega-reader Anna at Diary of an Eccentric, and Spanish language blog Warmisunqu’s Austen, on January 14 and 15 respectively. I know Warmisunqu is a great fan of Janet Taylor’s cover for ATB, and I hope she finds the book equally satisfying.

It’s going to be quite the trip. You’ll be surprised as the excerpts drive the story forward with glimpses into the dramatic tension in various sections of the book, and I think I’ll be equally surprised to react to the interviews and reviews. There will be plenty of chances for you to comment on each blog, as well as give-aways for those who love to win stuff. See you at the luggage carousel!

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Alias Thomas Bennet is available at Amazon or Barnes and Noble.

December 18, 2013: Outtake from Alias Thomas Bennet at Austenesque Reviews

I never knew Alias Thomas Bennet was so full of hints and spoilers until I tried to figure out what text I could present as an excerpt for a blog post. I love to tease readers about what might come next, but I’d also like them to have a chance to feel the excitement as each little thing is exposed and their suspicions are confirmed, and it wouldn’t be fun if you already knew everything before you read the book. So for today’s guest blog at Austenesque Reviews, I offered to write an outtake, something brand new and unique, to give the flavour of ATB without giving too much away. Meredith liked the idea, and I hope you do, too.

Austenesque Reviews

I didn’t bug my editor, Gail, to check this scene out (she’s on the road again!), but my friend Maria had a look and confirmed it wouldn’t embarrass me technically.